Objective: You know something? I hate people that have scary eyes, a lack of height and claim to be straight. Luckily, there is one such person. Elijah Wood. Review all of his films, badly. The LOTR series is exempt, as they are kick-ass, as are Sin City and Eternal Sunshine. Have fun slating the smallest bane on the planet (with the possible exception of the Malaria virus. Or Mini-Me).

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